My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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