My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
