I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
