i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Randomize
