just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
