After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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