the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
