i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
