Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
