a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
