if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
