I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
