I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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