Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize