They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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