i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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