Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Dick very happy bro
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
