Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
