You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize