I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize