i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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