Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
