Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
