The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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