when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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