you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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