She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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