i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
