He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
