Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
