TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
