smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
