You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
