2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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