Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
