so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize