I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
