who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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