The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
