one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
