dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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