You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize