I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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