u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
