chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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