She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize