I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
