Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
if only i could text you this smell
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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