it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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