And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
