Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
