just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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