She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
