some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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