If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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