You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Randomize
