Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm jealous of your bromance
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
