Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
