I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
