im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
