You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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