This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
