covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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