i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
