He is an equal opportunity slut.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
