How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
