Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Need sex. Gaining weight.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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