sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I had to cum in my sink.
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