I will die if light touches me.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
