help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Don't tell me you're on acid again
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
