So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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