Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
