And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
