my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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