You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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