Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
