Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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