i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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