Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize