I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
