im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
