Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
