I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
