Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Screwed.edu
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
