I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
