Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
