Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
