yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
