One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
