i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
MIDGETS
????
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
