So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
