I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
