So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
