Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize