So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
