is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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