Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
