I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
