I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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