i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
