New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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