can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
