im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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