You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
