i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
